Unbeknown to me, I was naïve to the world of sex.
I thought I had seen and heard it all in the way of the strange and kinky. Jesus dildos, adult babies, and leprosy porn. None of that could have prepared me for working in an adult toy store.
Here you will find my daily experiences, advice on all things sex related, as well as reviews on your favourite toys and products.
Have an orgasmic day.
It doesn’t matter where you work or how nice you are to people, you’re always going to find an asshole in the crowd.
Because of the nature of the store there are no returns. Simple, makes sense, sucks when you get product that breaks in a week. DVDs have the same rule. We’ll exchange them only if they do not work in our DVD player. (it’s old as fuck so if it works you probably just didn’t like it)
One customer was not happy with that.
I played it for him, showed him it worked. That wasn’t good enough. I called the manager and she spoke with him, said she would work something out with him if he would only come back on one of her shifts. That wasn’t good enough.
He broke the DVD in half and threw it at me. That was good enough. He vowed to never return. Good.
Gentleman, this is not the way to get what you want. In fact this will get you the complete opposite of what you want.
We’ll be a lot nicer to you if you’re kind to us.
We don’t question anything here.
A man asks if we carry any red skirts you assume it’s for his misses, you point him in the right direction and you carry on.
When that man asks if we have a change room, those assumptions suddenly change.
And when that same man steps out of the change room, with a giant smile on his face, wearing a school girl skirt and says to you, “It fits! How do I look?” There’s only one appropriate response.
“You have great legs.”
I can’t however say the same for his elderly balls or his hank hill ass. No, that man was not wearing any underwear.
He proceeded to pay and walk out of the store…in his new outfit. I was left baffled, that was one surprise I wish I could unsee.
Men please, we don’t care that you have a thing for cross dressing, but we don’t want to see it if it means seeing your balls as well.
The attraction to deformed or monstrous people.
That’s just one of many phillia’s I have come to learn about only this one, in a way, was first hand.
A little back story first, when I was 11 or 12 I made the mistake of sleeping with a knit blanket that had caught on my earring in the middle of the night and ripped it out. Now, some 20 odd years later, I still have the split in my ear lobe where my earring was once held.
Never in my life have I had someone use that as a means to try and pick me up until today.
Today a man, lets call him Creepy McCreeperson, came into the store to buy male enhancement pills. After some aggressive small talk he leans in and says “You know, I like to get freaky. I like to please my women, I would lick and suck on that split ear lobe of yours until you scream. Sorry if that sounds like I’m coming on to strong I just tell it like it is.”
Gentleman please, an adult store is not the place to try and pick anyone up. Let’s repeat that, an adult store is not the place to pick someone up.
I’m sorry Mr. Creeperson, no you will not get the chance to tongue my deformed earlobe.
When you think of group activities….porn isn’t usually at the top of that list. Movies, concerts, parties sure, but porn?
What, you mean to tell me you’ve never watched porn with your friends? You must not be very good friends then. Go on, grab some friends and booze, maybe a little herb, and head on over to http://www.efuckt.com for a good laugh. Go on, I’ll wait.
See now wasn’t that fun?
I’ve had my share of group porn experiences, from leprosy porn to porn fails and bloopers so it’s no surprise that I would come across a title or two and think “Gee, that’d be a great title to watch with my friends.”
Well, “Naporneon Dynamite” happens to be one of those titles…
Day 3, and half-way through my training shifts.
Although I have heard a lot of interesting stories from the ladies I work with, I have yet to really experience any first hand. Though I am already certain this is the greatest job.
“How was work?”
“Sold a couple of butt plugs, a pocket pussy, and stayed an extra hour to finish watching ‘How To Be Single’…all in all I’d say a pretty good day.”